


Adventures in (Cryptid) Babysitting

by angelsaves



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Accidental Baby Acquisition, Alternate Universe - Always a Different Sex, F/F, Podfic Welcome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-31
Updated: 2019-01-31
Packaged: 2019-10-09 00:37:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17396777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelsaves/pseuds/angelsaves
Summary: In which disaster lesbians Ryan Bergara and Shana Madej temporarily acquire a babywolpertinger, and also feelings.





	Adventures in (Cryptid) Babysitting

**Author's Note:**

> many thanks to bessyboo for basically plotting this whole thing out for me and mardia for betaing it!!!

Ryan isn't sure what she's expecting when she gets a frantic early-morning text from Shana, but it sure isn't this: Shana fluttering her hands over a shoebox containing... "What _is_ that?" Ryan asks.

"It's a baby wolpertinger," Shana says. "I know that much."

"Oh, of course," Ryan says. "A what now?"

"A _wolpertinger_ ," Shana says. "A cryptid from the Bavarian forests with the head of a rabbit, the body of a squirrel, the wings of a pheasant, antlers, and _fangs._ " She gestures eloquently at the... wolpertinger. "I just don't know what it's doing here!"

"What, uh." Ryan racks her brain for information and comes up empty. "What does it like?"

"Beautiful women, according to the Wikipedia article, so -- again -- what's it _doing_ here?"

Ryan knows the answer to that one, at least. "Because it has good taste?" she suggests.

"You," Shana says, giving Ryan a complicated look.

Ryan shrugs. "I'm not wrong." Shana _is_ beautiful. Maybe not in a conventional way, but all the weird parts of her face come together in a way that Ryan finds, you know -- aesthetically pleasing. As a friend. Like women do.

"Okay, so you and the wolpertinger agree. You can start a fan club." Shana flails again. "We have to feed it!"

"What does it eat?" Ryhan asks. "I mean, rabbit, but also, fangs?"

"Well put." Shana blows her bangs off her face. "I figure I'll get a variety of... foods? Some vegetables, some meats?"

"That sounds good." Ryan feels a little out of her depth. "I'm sure you'll take good care of it?"

"That's what the note says," Shana says direly, shoving a folded piece of paper at Ryan.

She takes it and reads it out loud: "'Please take good care of my baby wolpertinger' -- hey, you cheater, it came labeled!"

Shana shakes her head and points back at Ryan. "Not the issue!"

"-- 'until I can come back for her.' Okay, so, this isn't forever!" Ryan puts the note down and peers into the shoebox. "She is pretty cute."

"She's fucking _adorable_ ," Shana says.

It's true. The baby wolpertinger looks like she could fit in Ryan's cupped hands. Her wings are little and fluffy, her antlers just buds, and even her fangs look kind of sweet, if Ryan ignores the part where they could be used to bite her.

"Does she have a name?" Ryan asks, glancing up at Shana.

"I'm gonna call her Wolpie," Shana says proudly.

"Wolpie," Ryan repeats.

"Meep," says Wolpie.

"See? Wolpie likes her name! Don't you, Wolpie?" Shana pets Wolpie with one finger, right between her little antlers. It looks like it feels good; Wolpie has her bright black eyes closed and is leaning into the touch.

Ryan is not thinking about Shana touching her with that cautious gentleness, or any other type of way. She's _not_. "I guess she does," Ryan says.

Wolpie flutters her wings and meeps again. "I'm going to get her some breakfast," Shana says, and heads for the kitchen.

"Just you and me, then," Ryan says. She holds out her hand for Wolpie to sniff, figuring that what's good for dogs must be good for cryptids, and Wolpie takes a step closer and licks her fingertip tentatively. "Aww, that's sweet," Ryan says. "Do I taste good?"

"Breakfast time!" Shana says loudly. She's blushing for some reason, and holding a plate of what looks like cocktail party nibbles. "Who's hungry? Is it you, Wolpie?"

Wolpie meeps again and hops towards Shana, who places a cube of turkey and a chunk of carrot in the corner of the shoebox and steps back. The baby wolpertinger sniffs them, her little nose wiggling, and takes a dainty bite of the turkey.

"Hey, Mikey! She likes it!" Shana says, chuckling.

"You're so old," Ryan says fondly. She's barely old enough to remember the old Life cereal commercial Shana is quoting herself.

"Here, I'm going to give her a piece of ham." Shana sets the cube down, and they watch Wolpie eat that and the carrot. "What a good li'l girl."

"It's true," Ryan says. "So... are you going to bring her to work?"

"Obviously," Shana says. "What, do I look like some kind of monster? I'm not going to leave Wolpie alone."

"Well, no! I thought you might get her... a babysitter?" Ryan shakes her head. "I don't know what I'm saying."

"At least you're admitting it," Shana says.

Ryan swats at her. "Jerk," she says without heat.

"I'm a loving caretaker, entrusted with someone's precious baby cryptid," Shana says, pressing her hand to her heart like she's having some kind of moment. "I'm not going to abandon her to the clutches of some unscrupulous random off Craigslist!"

"Fine, fine, we'll have Bring-Your-Cryptid-To-Work Day," Ryan says, and then she stops and thinks about it. "Oh man, that would be the cutest thing ever."

"Andrew with a li'l cactus kitten," Shana muses.

"Are those a real thing?" Ryan asks.

"Until today, I would have said no, but now?" Shana shrugs. "Wolpie's pretty real."

Ryan gasps dramatically. "Are you saying you're becoming... _a Boogara?_ "

"No, I still know ghosts aren't real," Shana says. "You know I already thought Bigfoot was plausible! Weird animals aren't supernatural, they're just weird."

"Uh-huh," Ryan says. "What if Wolpie is an alien?"

"What if, hold onto your hat, she's not?" Shana counters.

"And you don't know that she's _not_ supernatural," Ryan continues, on a roll. "Do you have magic powers, li'l gal?"

"She manipulates people with the power of cuteness," Shana says firmly. "That's all."

"You keep telling yourself that," Ryan says. "Let's get going, or we're going to be late."

***

Everybody loves Wolpie. She's a huge hit at the office, all of their coworkers coming up to coo over her. The hilarious part is that Wolpie _definitely_ plays favorites. Ryan expects that she'll like Andrew: animals always love Andrew. Not Wolpie, though. He holds out his hand just like Ryan had, and Wolpie rears back like he's offended her and makes a tiny little hissing noise.

"Aww, I'll try again later," Andrew says, but he looks disappointed.

"Oh my god," Jen says. "I'm going to die." She reaches out, and Wolpie nuzzles her fingertips and meeps. "She likes me!"

"I love her," Freddie announces. "Wolpie is the love of my life, okay?" She strokes Wolpie's ears gently.

"Is she purring?" Shana asks, leaning forward to listen. "That's one happy little wolpertinger!"

Ryan grins at them. It's cute, the way Shana is all soft about Wolpie. She absolutely has to get some work done, though, so she grabs her laptop and headphones and gets up to go somewhere a little less distracting.

As soon as she stands up, though, there's a soft little whining sound, like a sad cat. "Wolpie?" Ryan asks.

Wolpie is standing up on her hind legs, peering over the edge of her shoebox. She makes the sad cat noise again, and Ryan feels her heart melt. "I gotta get some work done, Wolpie."

"Stay here," Shana says, not looking up from her computer. "Pretty much everyone has been by, so it should calm down soon."

"Well, okay." Ryan puts her stuff down. "If it'll make Wolpie happy."

"Meep!" In a little flutter of wings, Wolpie flies out of the box, landing in a little heap right between Shana and Ryan's workspaces.

"Aww! That must have been exciting, huh?" Shana reaches out to smooth her ruffled feathers, and Ryan goes to pet her at the same time. Their fingers brush, and Wolpie starts to purr.

"The rare double pets," Ryan says under her breath.

"What?" Shana glances at her.

Ryan shrugs. "That's what we always called it when I was a kid and the dog would get between two people. 'The rare double pets.'"

"She seems to appreciate them," Shana says.

Ryan tries not to look at how long her fingers look next to Wolpie's little antler buds, focusing instead on the softness where Wolpie's fur turns into feathers. "Yeah," she says.

Eventually, Ryan tears herself away from petting Wolpie and gets down to business. The little creature doesn't seem to mind, as long as Ryan and Shana take occasional breaks to stroke her fur and feathers. _What a hardship,_ Ryan thinks, grinning to herself a few hours later as she puts the finishing touches on the research for the first episode of the next Supernatural season.

She stretches, feeling the pleasant burn in her shoulders, and turns to Shana. "I'm going to get going," she says.

"Yeah, me too." Shana scoops Wolpie up and deposits her in the shoebox, getting to her feet. "I'll see you later."

"Later," Ryan says, but as soon as she gets to the door, Wolpie starts to make that sad cat noise again.

"Uh. Maybe she wants to go with you?" Shana suggests.

"I can't just take her," Ryan protests. She comes back over to Shana's workspace, and Wolpie settles back down.

"Even if it keeps her from crying like that?" Shana asks.

Ryan looks at Wolpie, who blinks at her with those shiny black eyes. "Well, when you put it that way..." She lets Shana place the shoebox in her hands. "Okay, okay."

As soon as Ryan starts to walk away, though, Wolpie cries again, and Ryan goes right back. "What does she want?" she asks, worried. "Do you think there's something wrong?"

"No," Shana says. "I think we've spoiled her, and now she's only happy when we're both in sight."

"I don't think --" Ryan starts to say, just as Wolpie begins to purr. "Oh my god, you're right."

"Of course I am." Shana slings her bag over her shoulder. "Well, I guess we'll just have to hang out. My place or yours?"

"Yours," Ryan says. "Whoever dropped Wolpie off, they'll come back for her there."

"Good point." Shana beckons. "Come on, I'll buy us Chipotle."

***

That's how the three of them end up ensconced on Shana's couch in front of Lords and Ladles, Shana's latest favorite Netflix bingeing show. Ryan is pleasantly full of burrito, and the only thing separating her thigh from Shana's is Wolpie, snuggled up between them and purring like crazy.

"It's fascinating how much more of the animal people used to use on the regular," Shana says, waving at the TV. "Nose-to-tail dining!"

Ryan makes a face. "I don't know," she says. "I'm kind of a fan of only eating the non-gross parts of animals."

"You eat tongue tacos," Shana says.

"That's not gross! Not like _pigs' ears_."

"Few things are as gross as pigs' ears," Shana admits.

They watch the next episode, and the next, and somehow Ryan finds her eyelids drooping. She's not going to fall asleep on Shana's couch like an overworked dad, though. That would just be...

***

Ryan wakes up when it's light outside, with Wolpie purring away in her ear and Shana's bony shoulder digging into her cheek. Shana is snoring just the tiniest bit, and she has her arm around Ryan, warm and heavy. Ryan's glasses are askew and smudged.

"Oh my god," she mumbles. "Did we sleep all night?"

Shana startles awake, jostling both Ryan and Wolpie. "Time is it?" she asks through a yawn, stretching and freeing Ryan from her arm.

"I don't know." Ryan digs into the couch cushions and finds her phone. "8:30, but it's Saturday, so who cares?"

"We should take Wolpie for a walk," Shana declares.

"...seriously?" Ryan asks.

"Yes, seriously!" Shana gets up, gesturing expansively. "I bet she needs exercise. There's a pet store on the way to the park! We can get her a harness and a leash."

"Okay, why not?" Ryan stretches, feeling her lower back pop. "Let's go."

They stop for coffee on the way, because they're not animals, Ryan going in to order their usual while Shana and Wolpie stake out a table outside. Wolpie hops over to sniff Ryan's coffee, then Shana's scone, but eventually settles on the contents of the protein box: cubes of meat and cheese, grapes, and a hard-boiled egg.

"Good girl," Shana says, petting her ears. "You'll need your strength for our walk!"

"I still can't believe we're taking a baby cryptid on a walk." Ryan swirls the dregs of her coffee. "Life is weird."

"That it is, my friend." Shana claps her on the back. "You get Wolpie, I'll throw out the trash?"

"Sounds good." Ryan scoops Wolpie up with both hands while Shana gathers up their garbage and takes it to the bin.

"Onwards!" Shana says, returning empty-handed.

"Aye-aye, cap'n!"

"Meep!"

The pet store is small and fancy, with a good selection of cat harnesses. Ryan holds Wolpie carefully while Shana tries various harness styles on her to see which interferes the least with her wings.

Just as they decide on a purple one, a voice comes from behind them: "What on Earth is _that?_ "

Ryan's mind goes perfectly blank, but Shana, not missing a beat, says, "This is my cat!"

"Your... cat," the saleslady repeats in disbelief.

"Yep!" Shana pops the P. "We're just about ready to check out!"

"...all right," the lady says. "Right this way."

Shana grabs a purple leash to go with the harness and follows the saleslady to the counter. After a moment in which Ryan can't decide whether to be shocked, amused, or aroused, finally landing on all of the above, Ryan and Wolpie join her.

"Thank you so much," Shana says, paying, and they fit Wolpie into her harness right there on the counter, wings, antlers, and all.

Outside, Ryan gently places Wolpie on the ground. At first, she just blinks up at them, but when Shana takes a few long strides in the direction of the park, Wolpie hops along after her. Ryan notices that she does move a little more like a squirrel than a rabbit, which makes the leash part go a little more smoothly.

It's kind of nice, walking through the park with Shana and Wolpie. Okay, it's really nice. Ryan wishes it could go on forever, green and sunny and maybe a little bit romantic.

"This is nice," Shana says, echoing Ryan's thoughts. She glances down at Ryan, then nudges her with one pointy elbow. "Don't you think?"

"Yeah," Ryan says, nudging her back with her shoulder. "It was a good idea."

"Meep," Wolpie agrees.

"I'm glad Wolpie likes you so much." Shana watches Wolpie bound forward a few steps, then adds, "I like you, too."

"Huh." Ryan feels her face heat up a couple of degrees. "I like you guys as well."

"Good." Shana gives her a look, then says, "I think Wolpie is tired."

It seems true; she's moving a little more slowly than she was at the beginning of the walk. "I could carry her," Ryan offers.

Shana beams at her. "I bet she'd like that."

Ryan bends down and picks Wolpie up, and they walk for a while longer. The silence stretches out comfortably between them, until finally they reach the corner again.

"We should go home," Shana says. "Do you want to come?"

Ryan does, so badly, but what comes out of her mouth is, "I should go back to my place. I need a shower."

"Oh. Yeah, you are getting a little ripe," Shana says gamely.

"I'll see you tomorrow?" Ryan says.

"Good." Shana smiles, not quite as brightly as before. "See you tomorrow."

As Ryan walks away, she can hear Wolpie mewing sadly, and Shana whispering to her, but she doesn't let herself turn around.

Her apartment feels weirdly lonely, but she tells herself that's fine. She doesn't want to get too wound up in Shana -- that would make things weird. Right? She showers, eats a perfunctory dinner, and goes to bed early.

***

The next morning, Ryan wakes up and decides to go bother Shana, regardless of the time. She stops for coffee on the way, and shows up at Shana's before 8.

As soon as Shana opens the door, Ryan thinks, _Oh no._ Shana is sleep-rumpled and squinty, still in a tank top and boxers, with Wolpie tucked under one arm. She's never looked more beautiful to Ryan.

"...hi," Ryan says. "I brought coffee?"

"You're a star." Shana takes the cup Ryan holds out to her, sips from it, and rolls her eyes skyward in bliss. "Wolpie, isn't your other mom a star?"

"Meep," says Wolpie.

"Here, take her." Shana passes Wolpie over to Ryan; Wolpie immediately snuggles into Ryan's cleavage, revealed by the deep V she wore totally at random. "Heh. Boob-wolpertinger is the new ass-bat."

"Shana!" Ryan tries to cover Wolpie's ears with the hand not holding her coffee. "Not in front of the baby!"

Shana laughs. "Come in, already." She holds the door, and Ryan goes in and settles into her spot on the couch, Wolpie purring away. As soon as Shana sits down, though, Wolpie squirms down between them again. "The rare double pets, yeah?"

Ryan grins. "Yeah," she says, petting Wolpie's little head.

The day passes in a haze of video games, Netflix, and feeling Shana's thigh get closer and closer to Ryan's. If Wolpie weren't there, it would almost be like they were cuddling.

They've just polished off a staggering amount of Thai food, plus a couple of beers each, when Shana says, "Hey, can I tell you something?"

"Yeah, sure," Ryan says. Wolpie's ears twitch under her hand.

Shana's hand comes close to Ryan's, not quite touching it, but almost. "You're really important to me," she says.

"Thanks? I mean, you're really important to me, too. Is this about something? Are you dying?" Then a horrible thought breaks through Ryan's babbling. "Are you trying to let me down easy?"

"What? No!" Shana does touch her hand, now. "Kind of the opposite of that, actually."

"...letting me down hard?" Ryan asks, heart pounding.

"I'm never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you," Shana croons, and part of Ryan wants to punch her -- a rickroll? Seriously? -- but most of her wants to kiss her, and that's the part she listens to, tilting her head up and catching Shana's mouth with her own.

"Mmph," Shana says, and then she's kissing Ryan back, like she's starving for it, threading one hand into Ryan's hair to hold her in place and going after her throat like some kind of sexy vampire.

"Oh my god," Ryan says, " _Shana._ " She grabs Shana's face and pulls her back up to kiss more, lush and sloppy and even better than it's been in her steamier dreams.

"Yeah," Shana says. She presses their foreheads together, just breathing hard, and they stare into each other's eyes like the saps they are for a minute.

Then Wolpie's purring breaks the moment, and Ryan laughs, petting her. "I guess she's happy for us," she says.

"If I get to fuck you, Wolpie's not invited," Shana says. Then she pauses. "That is where we're headed, right?"

"God, yes." Ryan dives in for another kiss. "We'll just -- leave her in the box. She'll be fine."

Shana leaps up from the couch with Wolpie, placing Wolpie in the shoebox on the table and practically running for her bedroom door. Ryan follows at a more sedate pace, taking a moment to pinch herself. The sting of pain hits, and Shana growls, "Get in here, Bergara," and who is Ryan to disobey that kind of an order?

"I'm coming," Ryan says.

"You will be," Shana tells her, still in that husky, growly voice, as Ryan gets closer.

"Is that a threat or a promise?" Ryan asks.

Shana slams her up against the door, with surprising force for so noodly a person, and bends down to kiss under Ryan's ear, involving some teeth. "You'll see," she says.

Ryan moans as Shana's knee grinds just on the edge of painful against her clit. "That's not an answer, but you know what, I think I'll go with it," she says. "Just don't -- ah -- don't stop!"

"What do you like?" Shana demands.

"I -- most things?" Ryan tries. "You?"

Shana huffs out a breath. "I like you, too, but do I get to get you naked, or what?" She kisses Ryan's neck again.

"Naked is good. I'm pro-naked. What about you?" Ryan finds the hem of Shana's flannel shirt with her fingertips and tugs on it.

"Yes, also pro-naked. What about eating out?" Shana pauses in her onslaught to pull her own shirt over her head. "Tell me what you want so I can do it to you like crazy," she continues through a layer of shirt, finally getting it all the way off and tossing it into a corner.

"I like giving, not receiving so much," Ryan says, struggling out of her own top. "I think about your fingers all the time, though."

"What, these?" Shana wiggles them in front of Ryan, and it's some deep-seated instinct that has Ryan nipping at the tip of one and sucking it into her mouth. "Oh, _Ryan,_ " Shana breathes, her eyes very dark. "You do like them, don't you?"

Ryan raises her eyebrows and runs her tongue over the pad of Shana's finger, as if to say, _Duh._

"Fuck," Shana says. "Get naked. Get on the bed." Ryan does, acutely aware of Shana's eyes on her as she sits down with a bounce. "I want --"

When Shana doesn't finish her sentence, Ryan says, "What _do_ you want? Because I want to give it to you."

Shana licks her lips. "I want to push you around a little," she says. "Can I? You seemed to like it when I grabbed you."

"Absolutely yes," Ryan says immediately. "Hard agree, as the kids say."

Shana's face crinkles up. "Cool," she says, and then she stalks across the room and grabs Ryan by the shoulders, from behind. "On your hands and knees," she says, and shoves.

Ryan is desperate to see what Shana will do next. She lets herself be shoved into the position Shana wants, putting up a little resistance to feel the adrenaline zing through her. Like this, Shana can wrap her long body around Ryan's, hot and slick with sweat, her perfect little breasts pressed up against Ryan's back, her mouth against Ryan's ear.

"Biting," Shana says, low. "Pro or anti?"

"Pro," Ryan says, "as long as you don't draw blood, you animal -- _oh_." Shana bites down on the side of Ryan's neck, sucking hard, and Ryan's hips herk. "Yeah, that's -- I like that."

"Good." Shana lets her go with a last gentle lick, then reaches around to touch Ryan's lower lip. "God, your mouth -- will you suck on my fingers again?"

Ryan traces the shape of them with her tongue. "Yeah," she says, her voice coming out rough, and she lets Shana shove them in deep, stroking the back of her tongue.

"Thought about this," Shana says in her ear, thrusting her fingers in and out of Ryan's mouth. "Thought about you under me, tasting you, God, _Ryan_ \--" She grinds her hips against Ryan's ass, and Ryan arches up against her, feeling the crisp stubble and slick heat of her cunt against her bare skin.

Ryan pulls her head back, sliding Shana's fingers out of her mouth, and says, "Jesus Christ, I've wanted you so much -- I've _been_ wanting you -- Shana, please --"

"Please, what?" Shana asks, and Ryan can hear the grin in her voice as she trails her wet fingers down between Ryan's tits, down towards her navel, down...

"Fuck me," Ryan says. "Put your fingers in me."

"Say please again." Shana's fingers are getting closer, but so slowly that Ryan might lose her mind.

"Madej, I swear to God --"

"Say 'please fuck me, Shana.'" She scrapes the soft skin above Ryan's cunt with her short nails, just a little.

Ryan gasps. "Pleasefuckmeshana," she says breathlessly, like it's all one word.

Shana's fingers part Ryan's folds and slide gorgeously inside Ryan's cunt. "See?" Shana says. "That's what I like. Teamwork."

"We do -- oh, _God_ \-- make a great team," Ryan says. Shana fucks her deeper, harder, and kisses her everywhere she can reach.

"Your fucking shoulders," Shana mutters, just after biting one of them, "they make me gayer every day."

"Note to self, wear more -- oh -- tank tops," Ryan jokes, gasping, and Shana crooks her fingers just so, and Ryan comes apart, making noises she didn't even know she _could_.

"Yeah, you do that," Shana says, slowly pulling her fingers out and nudging Ryan's face around to kiss her. "No more sleeves for you. I decree it."

"Bossy," Ryan says, her cunt still clenching with aftershocks. "I like it."

"Good," Shana says. "Let me rub off on you?"

"Fuck, yes." Ryan arches her back, shoving her ass against Shana's cunt. "I -- oh --"

"You think you could come again?" Shana asks her, sliding her fingers south again. "You want that?"

Ryan groans, Shana moving faster and faster, rubbing her clit hard on Ryan's ass cheek. "Yeah," she says, "for you, I could do that."

"Cool." Shana gets those _fucking_ fingers inside Ryan again, and they press together like they're going to fuse, like molten glass. "Yeah, come on --" Her teeth sink into the curve of Ryan's shoulder, and God, Ryan can feel the fluttering muscles of her cunt as she comes against her. Ryan gives it up for her with a shout, still so sensitive, and collapses under Shana in a sweaty heap.

Shana curves around her like an apostrophe, like "Shana's" is marked indelibly on Ryan's everything. "We're disgusting," Shana says into Ryan's ear, her breath warm and heavy.

"Mmm. Yeah," Ryan says happily.

"I really did a number on your shoulder," Shana goes on, tracing the bite mark she left. "I guess I can take back that no-sleeves decree until you heal."

Ryan covers Shana's hand with her own. "Nah."

Shana smiles at her. "Up to you, buckaroo."

"Damn right," Ryan says, then grimaces. "Ugh. I really am sticky."

"Sorry," Shana says, not sounding like she means it. "Let me wash my hands real quick, and you can have the shower."

"Thanks." Ryan sits up and waits for Shana to finish, then grabs a towel from the rack. Shana stops her for a kiss as they cross paths, lewd and sweet at the same time, and Ryan pushes up on her toes for more.

"Get clean," Shana says against her mouth, and Ryan huffs, sinking back down and going to hit the shower. Shana's apartment has better water pressure than Ryan's, and Ryan luxuriates in the steaming water for a while before soaping up and rinsing off.

She must take longer than she thinks, because when she gets dried off and comes back into the bedroom, Shana is fast asleep, cuddling Wolpie, who is purring loudly. Ryan laughs -- so much for round two, or three, or whatever it would be -- and steals one of Shana's flannel shirts to sleep in, picking a cozy blue one and skipping underpants entirely. Then, carefully, she eases herself into the bed with Shana and Wolpie.

"Hmm," Shana says drowsily. "C'mere." She flings one arm over Ryan and lets out a huge snore.

Ryan snuggles closer, smiles, and falls asleep with Wolpie's antler poking her in the side.

***

Ryan dreams that night, a weird mashup of everyday things and really surreal ones. There's sex in it, and Shana's clear-framed glasses crawl off her face like something out of Alice in Wonderland, and then Bigfoot shows up.

"Thanks for taking care of her for me," Bigfoot says in a surprisingly melodious voice. "You have no idea how hard it is to find reliable pet care in this dimension."

"You're, uh -- welcome?" Ryan blinks at Bigfoot. "She was very well-behaved."

"She's a good girl." Bigfoot pets Wolpie's head. "Well, see you next time!"

She -- Ryan's fairly sure Bigfoot is a she, now -- turns into a cloud of butterflies, and Ryan slides back out of awareness.

***

"Wolpie! Wolpie, where are you?"

Ryan wakes up when Shana flings the covers over her head, flailing her arms automatically to get free. "What's going on?"

"Wolpie's gone!" Shana looks frantic, and Ryan's about to join her in panicking when she remembers her dream.

"I... I think she's back where she belongs," Ryan says, and explains what happened in her dream, with Bigfoot and all.

Shana sits down heavily on the edge of the bed. "Huh," she says. "That's... not the weirdest ending I could have thought up for this weekend." She pauses, looking Ryan up and down, and grins. "You look good in my shirt."

Ryan preens. "Thanks," she says. "And hey... we could always go to the animal shelter after work."

Shana brightens. "We could," she says. "And then..."

"And then come back here and fuck like bunnies?" Ryan suggests.

"Like _wolpertingers,_ " Shana corrects her.

"Kinky," Ryan says, and wheezes with laughter.


End file.
